Becoming your own worst enemy

                    By Bayo Ogunmupe

    For a very long time I had tunnel vision, that is to say I was accustomed to looking at only the bright side of life, never offering alternative options. I studied my for failures until I lost sight of my successes. I had surrendered my dreams to the comfort of inebriated friendships. I followed the limiting beliefs of my friends, shielding myself personal happiness and connubial love. Then, I sat back, wondering why my life has been so miserable.

    I began to turn things around about thirty years ago when my stubborn habits led me into a chaotic argument with a professor bosom friend of mine. He pointedly told me I am my own worst enemy by my life choices. "You can choose differently if you want to, please choose options within your grasp," he pleaded with me. And after extensive soul searching and lots of reading, I learned to choose differently and eventually found myself again. I regained my inner peace after choosing not to allow another person control my thoughts and habits.

    Sometimes, following your friends blindly in routine choices result in being your own enemy. Which is why I want to remind you to beware of your expectation of constant contentment or happiness. There  is neither absolute happiness nor constant sadness. There are only constant changes in our moods which continuously oscillate between those extremes. Any time you are comparing one level of your contentment to another, you heighten your feelings of sadness. It is only after  emotional healing that you  regain happiness. The solution is for you to focus on the good life you have experienced, realizing that all the happiness you are seeking is present with you if you are willing to notice it.

    Two, your obsession with examining your personal failures is counter productive. Every morning, as soon as you wake up, think of three things going well for you at the moment. As you fall asleep, every night, fill your mind in appreciation for all the things that went well during the day. Examine your successes, ignore your failures.Through focus, empower the positive influences in your life, focus enables them to grow stronger and more influential every day. Remind yourself often of what works well and why; and automatically your intuition will make lots of other things work well too.

    Three, never surrender to the allures of comfort. The most common and destructive addiction in the world is the lure of comfort. Why pursue growth when you already own a water front mansion? But that is wrong thinking. That is not living; it is vegetative existence. Living is about learning, it is growing through excitement and discomfort. Life is filled with many questions without immediate and ready answers. It is your willingness to ask these questions and your courage to march confidently into the unknown in search of the answers, that gives life it's meaning.

      Four, your self-limiting beliefs are your worst enemy. You don't suffer from your beliefs, it is your disbeliefs that you suffer from. If you feel hopeless, it isn't because there is no hope; it is because you don't believe there is hope. Since the mind drives the body, it is the way you think that eventually makes the dreams you dream possible or impossible. Your reality is a reflection of your thoughts and the way you contemplate what you know to be true. You control your thoughts and you are the only person who can hold you down is you.

    Five, your resistance to change, your resistance to being vulnerable is another expression of being your own enemy. Both love and happiness render you vulnerable because each of them is temporary. Beauty fades, happiness is often spoiled by the news of a friend or relative involved in an accident. The truth is that nothing worthwhile in this world is a safe bet. This is compounded by your expectation of how things are supposed to be. That things are supposed to be in a particular way is a fantasy. It is a figment of your imagination. This fantasy blinds you from reality and prevents you from appreciating the genuine goodness that exist in your life. The solution is that must drop the needless expectations. You are to appreciate what is and hope for the best. You are to accept reality instead of fighting it. When you stop people and things to be perfect in the way you had imagined, you can enjoy the people for what they truly are.