By Bayo Ogunmupe
When you eliminate those habits success will find you. Thus, the
smarter way to find success is for you to focus on removing those things
that impede your progress. As an economics analyst which forces me to read
up matters on entrepreneurship, I have come to know people on a uniquely
intimate level so that I can help them solve their problems. And the more I
encounter these solution seekers, the more I discover the things that make
people miserable and the best way to eliminate them. More often, those
things that make us miserable are habits with powerful patterns we've fallen
into. These habits, maybe from childhood; gnaw away at our happiness and
creativity, day by day, month by month and year after year. Here are some
common habits that sabotage your creativity and my thoughts on how to
eliminate them. Worrying about the future and other people's opinion of you.Worrying is the mental habit of problem solving which is never necessary. It only staves off the feeling of helplessness. Worry gives you the illusion of control; it is a denial of reality. Worrying won't change anything, it would only lead you to anxiety and sickness. Learn to accept the pain of failure and accept reality. "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."- Reinhold Niebuhr.
Isolating yourself when you are feeling weak is the second habit
sabotaging your success. You don't ever need to cry when you are
disappointed or sad. It is unseemly to do this both in private and in
public, except at a funeral. You don't need coping strategies when you
are sad or helpless. You need the support of friends and loved ones to
give you a hug and share your pain. When we hide our pain by isolating
ourselves; we throw away the most powerful anti depressant known to
man- the love and support from people who care for us.
"We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but
connected in the deep,"- William James. The third habit that is
keeping you from success is: Keeping quiet and going with the flow.
Truly, most people dislike conflict. That is because most people don't
know how to handle conflict. But you can tread the middle road of
being a passive doormat and an aggressive bully: By becoming
assertive. Assertiveness means standing up for your own wants, needs,
and values. It means asking for what you want without equivocation.
The road to genuine self esteem, self confidence and self respect
is assertiveness- through aligning your actions with your values no
matter the circumstance. Staying silent is like a slow growing cancer.
There is nothing intelligent in refusing to stand up for yourself. You
may not win every battle in your life's journey. Everyone will at
least know that you stood for yourself.
Four: Talking garbage to yourself in your head undermines your
progress. Your self talk- that running commentary in your head about
everything from the shoes you wear to what the secretary in your
office thinks of your new haircut. That your inner narrator who
constantly describes the story of your life as it unfolds is the
culprit. You are doing untold damage to yourself when you have a
brutally negative, judgmental style of self-talk. If you talked to
other people the way you talked to yourself, you'd have no friends, no
job and multiple warrants out there for your arrest. Such a negative
narrator isn't a good source of motivation.
"He who would be useful, strong, and happy must cease to be a
passive receptacle for the negative, beggarly, and impure streams of
thought,"- James Allen. Finally, believing in your own thoughts
unconditionally is erroneous. No one is infallible, so acknowledge
that you could be wrong by your observations. It is toward the end of
your life you will know whether you are special and very wise. It was
toward the end of the lives of Albert Einstein, Steve Jobs and Nikola
Tesla that they and everybody knew they are geniuses.
The idea jumped into your head that your co-worker thinks you are
lazy. Does that mean anything? It means nothing. It shows you have low
self-esteem. Maybe they think you are lazy, but you just had a thought
about it doesn't make it true. The solution is that any time such
thoughts intrude into your mind you should discard it. Cultivate a
healthy skepticism of your own thoughts. Ignore all thoughts without
foundation in reality. The primary cause of unhappiness in life is
never the situation. It is the thought you fabricated about it.Be
aware of what you think, it might come true.
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