Setting ethical boundaries is healthy

                    By Bayo Ogunmupe

    If you are like me, you don't like to upset anyone. In fact harmony is more important to you than ruffling feathers. However, you wake up sometimes and you think to yourself, "I'm always giving in  and people just keep taking from me. I'm tired of this and ready to hide from the world." I felt this way for years. Then, i decided I needed to examine why I was allowing others to take advantage of me; take me for granted, and just keep taking from me altogether.

    And this is what I have learned: Pleasing everyone around you doesn't make them happy. Indeed, it makes them even more greedy in their need to be satisfied with whatever it is they want from you. You give them an inch, they take a mile. You give them a mile, they want 100 miles. It is a cycle of self sabotage that leads you further away from your own self love. Sure, I know, you are going to make up an excuse such as 'but my family needs me to do this." Putting others before yourself make things worse for you and others. This is because you set unrealistic expectations towards others when you put them before yourself. This leads to disrespect because they know they can turn to you at any time for any preferment. Then you don't know you have become their mat until you get all the mud and pee from dogs passing by while on their walk.

    Being the person who saves the day for everyone drains your energy and makes you a cranky soul no one is willing to be around of. But you are a human being. You are not a robot. And you are not a superman. If you are agreeing to a lot of request from others, you are draining your energy reserve. You are not preserving enough energy to take care of yourself. And when you are not taking proper care of yourself, the vampires keep sucking your energy from you. Not all vampires are as enjoyable to be with as Count Dracula on Sesame street.

    Most people don't realise their requests are being multiplied by people on a daily basis. When they don't realise you need sleep more than ever before. So, what can you do to turn your life around. Before you respond to an email, to someone in person; or over the phone, tell them you will get back to them soon because you need to check your schedule.  And then you need to ask yourself, "Do I really want to do this for this person, can I vouch for his honesty? Or am I just wanting to say yes so that I don't upset him. Understand that no matter how much you please others, you are never going to be able to make everyone happy. I meant just that last night when I blocked a negative asshole on social media because he decided  to spam my social media page with rude comments and gestures.

    So I put my foot down on social media, warning everyone that I will block anyone who comes onto my page and spam it with rudeness and negativity. Why try pleasing people who cannot understand that it's actually a good thing to have healthy boundaries in life. I am here to help you nourish your gifts. You can't please everyone. And you shouldn't want to please everybody. Own yourself, you are responsible for your own greatness. You deserve self respect and you reserve to yourself the ability to maintain your own power. Which brings me to the point that you can't pour from an empty cup. If you are spending your time each day helping others, you won't have anytime for yourself to refuel your own energy. After a while this will lead to your own wreck.

    What to do next is for you to pace yourself. Utilize the calendar on your phone, by spacing out your task each day. For example, I perform my mastering my mindset journaling everyday by allotting to myself fifteen minutes each day to do it. Then, I respond one hour to my emails, two hours for blogging and 30 minutes for sundry browsing. When you space yourself and spread yourself out on the calendar, you are not only likely to stick to completing them, but you are also more confident in replying out of boundary requests  saying : "Let me check my schedule and i will get back to you soon."

    Then, you consult your calendar to decide, one, whether you actually have the time to help. You cannot just say yes not to upset others. Two, you ask yourself where to figure out the day to sacrifice to help, because you actually wish to help her. Before 2015, I had no clue what it meant to have healthy boundaries in place for myself. Then, I woke up one Saturday completely drained and being plainly irritable after a week long presidential campaign. Besides, I had a health scare and was ordered by my doctor for a bed rest. I'm happy to say that my blood pressure is in good condition, thanks to my setting healthy boundaries. Then, I trimmed up taking back my own power by putting my self love and care first. No jogging was required.

    When you live by your ethical boundaries you have put into place, you start to attain calmness, happiness and a state of physical well- being of your dreams. Setting boundaries restores your mindfulness: your state of well being, self possession and peace. Then, you become  a very productive person, making good use of your time. And indeed, working is the only way by which you can achieve your goals. The goal of productivity is to get the most results in the least amount of time. Setting boundaries helps you achieve that.