Comfortable in your own shoes

                             By Bayo Ogunmupe

     Comfortable in your own shoes is the title of Bolajoko Bayo-Ajayi's latest book. It is on raising confident girls and women now and in the future. The yellow paperback portable book has only 87 pages. This handbook for girls, parents and guardians was published by the Everygirl Empowered Foundation in 2017 and printed by Alet Inspitationz of Nigeria. Also known as Comfortable, this book has ten chapters, a page of reference, an Introduction, a note from the author and three pages of acknowledgment. In her mission statement, Bolajoko says Everygirl Empowered Foundation is a non-profit making organization. Committed to the empowerment of girls aged 11 to 16 years, through platforms that will give them voices and build their confidence to become good leaders, the foundation is focused on girls to enable them fulfill their potentials.

     The objective of the organization is to provide platforms to boost the confidence of the girls and to empower them to take active role among their peers in school and in their community. Two, to prepare girls to become leaders globally. And lastly, to help girls overcome the beliefs and limitations holding them back from achieving their full human potentials. Bolajoko further invites the reader to join the foundation in raising the brand of girls who will build up their self confidence and set themselves up on the path of achieving their full human potentials. For the achievement of those goals the foundation is ready to partner with anyone willing to join it.

       The Everygirl Empowered Foundation was launched on 11th October, 2016 in commemoration of the International Day of the Girl child. Since then, the author had interacted with girls and women who suffer from low self esteem, low self confidence. This heightened her interest in the are forcing her to commit herself into spreading the gospel of girl child education throughout the world in writing. Through the foundation she had engaged about 850 girls aged 10 to 16 years. Bolajoko believes low self esteem to be real and that it is the singular factor responsible for limiting girls from successful achievement. Not believing in oneself is a trap from where we can only be freed by an awareness of its scourge.

    The book: Comfortable is autobiographical since the author drew most of her examples from personal experience. She was particularly enamored relating her upbringing. She focused on self confidence, self worth; belief in oneself and self identity. According to the author, other than knowledge, nothing can be used to fill the void of self esteem. Moreover, lack of self confidence and lack of self esteem are at the root of the adult failure going on in politics, civil service and business in Nigeria today. Accordingly, to succeed in adult life, parents, teachers and guardians must build into the children and wards, such attributes as self confidence, self worth, self belief and self identity. A healthy self confidence and self worth is the cocktail for success in life.

    If you don't love and accept yourself, just as you are, you are telling the world that you do not deserve their love and acceptance. Consequently you may be abused and rejected. Self love begins with loving God; loving your parents and loving your neighbours. Self esteem and self confidence come from knowing who you are, accepting yourself as God created you and not comparing yourself with anyone else. You must realize that you are unique, that you have only one authentic self and an original one of a kind. No one is like you, no duplicate, the only one model God ever created. No one else shares the same finger print with you, the same with your DNA.

    The stage for a research oriented publication was set for this volume from chapter two: The Girl-Child Dilemma. It says that for many girls, lack of self confidence is  sown from right from childhood, while for others, it creeps in while growing up. Bolajoko corroborated this with the Greenberg-Lake Analysis Group's research of 1991, "Girls emerge from adolescence with a poor self-image, low expectations from life and much less confidence in themselves and their abilities than boys." That study found that at the age of 9 most girls were confident, assertive and feel positive about themselves.

      But by the time they reached secondary school fewer than a third felt that way. At the same time the same study confirms that boys also lost some sense of worth, but they ended up far ahead of the girls. The boys in the survey were asked how often they felt "happy the way I am," 67 percent answered "always." By secondary school, 46 percent still felt that way. But with girls, the figures dropped from 60 percent to 29 percent. Puberty was said to be responsible for the changes. Puberty takes its toll through the body changes. Sometimes a girl's body changes so much that she finds it difficult to accept the person she has become.

    Also, the modern age puts a lot of pressure on the young. The evolution of the digital space has changed the world to a global village. While this has numerous benefits, its many negative impacts weighs heavily on many individuals. Previously, bullying could only be direct, but now, cyber bullying is in dangerous trend, where people hide behind the screens of their computer or cell phone to torture others. Moreover, exposure to the internet has brought a lot of deleterious exposure to girls. Thus, the impact of globalization exposes girls to popular artistes  who they want to model  and fashion themselves after. The downside of this struggle to fit with these personalities is the pressure they suffer to compromise.

    It thus becomes the duty of the author to correct the misconceptions arising from globalization which the girl child cannot learn from parents or colleagues. This is where Comfortable in your own shoes is valuable. By reading it you gain the correct perspective without exposing your ignorance to your colleagues or showing your dilemma to your parents. Indeed, Mrs Bayo-Ajayi offers insight on how to help the girl child regain her composure  after the vagaries puberty. She informs us that research confirmed that girls are three times more at risk of suffering from low self confidence than boys. That low self confidence is a handicap to successful achievement in life.

    Mrs Bayo-Ajayi is a wife, mother and a brand management professional. As a certified performance coach, she is well placed to advice the girl child as one who has acquired tools and practical insights on building self confidence. Through this book and the Everygirl Empowered foundation, Bolajoko is contributing her all in supporting girls to overcome the beliefs  and limitations hindering them from achieving their full human potential.